


Iris (Hold Me Close)

by justtopostmyfic



Series: U2's Songs of Innocence [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 17:16:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18370532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justtopostmyfic/pseuds/justtopostmyfic
Summary: Whenever Tony gets anxiety attacks, he presses his cheek into Steve's shoulder.Even when their romance is at a tumultuous step/impasse.Tony is terrible at articulating his discomfort at any point during these anxiety attacks. It's the most quiet version of Tony, also the most unnerving for Steve.





	Iris (Hold Me Close)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HepG2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HepG2/gifts).



> _"The ache in my heart / Is so much a part /_  
>  Of who I am."  
> -U2, Iris (Hold Me Close)

Every time Tony gets an anxiety attack, and they usually are quite all-consumingly bad (these days), he immediately seeks out Steve.

Even if they have just had a shouting match, or were about to start an argument, or were right in the middle of _not speaking_ to each other.

Steve's height is a tower, his muscular frame a rock, his face a bright beacon. And in those stricken moments Tony always feels like he has lost his bearings, the panic rising and inundating him. 

The only thing he knows is crashing into Steve will keep him sane, make him feel better.

Tony will sidle up beside Steve, and press his cheek into Steve's rotator cuff, where bicep meets the end of shoulder. He will look up at Steve and always be met with an unwavering gaze that is kind, regardless of what previous emotions were written on Steve's face.

In those desperate seconds, Tony doesn't see pretty-boy baby blues, he only sees placid irises of calm. What Tony doesn't know is the observations that Steve takes in: Tony's pleading brown eyes and vulnerable expression, that the super soldier will do anything to help erase. He can almost feel the fear coursing through Tony who is pressed close beside him.

Any day and time of the week, Steve would rather his boyfriend feel anything else instead of pleadingly vulnerable. Even Tony being furious at Steve is less painful to bear.

If Steve is with an outsider like Fury when Tony stalks up to him in this state, the Captain will excuse himself as soon as he can to take Tony aside and be alone with him, giving the smaller man what he needs.

But if they are in their familiar circle when this happens (the rest of the team, Pepper, and the occasional Rhodey when he is around), Steve will take care of Tony right where they stand or sit.

There have been numerous debriefings where Steve is addressing the rest of the team, and Tony can't unwind from his anxious state by himself and shuffles forward to slump against Steve.  
So Steve continues to debrief the team while he provides his ministrations to Tony. 

Nobody says a word, or bats an eyelid, or changes their expressions much. Maybe they'll take a quiet Tony over a tightly-wound Stark.

The actions to soothe Tony are always simple, and always the same. Steve will slide close beside Tony, or rather Tony is the one aligning their sides, and Steve will warm one hand before pressing it against the small of Tony's back. He will rub the little knobs on Tony's lower spine, alternating between using his flat palm and his knuckles to dig in.

This touch calms Tony the most, yet the billionaire can't really do for himself. And Steve is always willing to help, even if it is not under happy circumstances he is doing it. Quite the reverse.

Steve notices it suits Tony well when they both face the same direction, when their heads mirror each other. Hence the side-by-side thing.

With his other hand, Steve's palm will _spoon_ Tony's hand. It's tricky because Steve's left hand will be free, and Tony's left hand will be closer to him. So Steve encapsulates Tony's hand, well, more accurately the back of Tony's hand. Or vice versa, and both their right hands will intertwine.

Steve will use his thumb to rub the ridges on Tony's thumb joint, which relaxes himself probably as much as it comforts Tony.

Sometimes when the attacks are really bad, Tony will try to drag Steve elsewhere, usually outside. Tony will curl his cradled fingers inwards, and Steve will have to tighten his own grip to secure the tenuous grasp he has on Tony's fist.

At this point, he will study Tony's face beside him intently; usually there would be a green tint in these instances, and Tony will look distinctly queasy. 

Tony is terrible at articulating his discomfort at any point during these anxiety attacks. It's the most quiet version of Tony, also the most unnerving for Steve.

Steve had learnt his lesson well the first time he witnessed Tony vomit from anxiety.

_"What's wrong, Tony?"_

_Tony just continued dragging Steve out to the patio with urgency, saying nothing._

_"Are you gonn- do you feel sick?"_

_Tony shook his head vehemently, taking gulping breaths. Not half a second later, Tony stooped over a lush flower bed and retched, puking up the contents of his stomach while a shell-shocked Steve stayed by his side._  
  
Tony will position himself over a drain or patch of grass and bend over at the waist, crouching at his knees slightly. Since it's a psychosomatic response, he can _almost control_ when he's going to throw up. Tony's singular thought is that he has to, like there's too much stress shoved into his body and the only way out is up.

The hand on the small of his back will slide up to rub his upper back.

He had told Steve that helped the most once. Probably in the aftermath of the first time Steve was there, when Tony could finally speak coherently again. Steve has done that for him ever since.

Tony said it was like squeezing toothpaste out of the tube, rolling up in one smooth motion.  
(Steve had frowned at the frivolous analogy, at how Tony could act so nonchalant about his anxiety attack after the fact.)

Their intertwined hands never untangle until Tony is done heaving, then Tony needs both his arms to wrap around his stomach to brace himself.

Steve will stand behind him, super soldier crotch flush against his ass, giving no indication of arousal or disgust. A third and fourth welcoming arm will join both his own around his belly, supporting Tony when his knees feel ready to give out.

Tony will never abuse this comfort and change in tone. He will never falsify needing Steve's help to calm down from an anxiety attack to smooth over an argument, or get Steve to stop being angry at him (and forgive him for whatever he did), or to coax Steve into talking to him if they are decidedly _not speaking_. 

Because Tony is prideful, and doesn't like to ask for help, even when he needs it for physical ailments and injuries. 

Because Steve will see right through him, with all his military training.

Because if this isn't real when he needs Steve's help to soothe his fucked up mental state, then what _is_ real in their relationship?

**Author's Note:**

>  _"Hold me close /_  
>  _Like I'm someone that you might know."_  
>  -U2
> 
> A plea from a 14 year old boy to his dead mother.  
> (Or from Tony to Steve)
> 
> This melody will sear your soul. Best with earphones. Please tell me if you like the song, U2 is my life.   
> Iris (Hold Me Close):  
> (youtube.com/watch?v=qV97GOeTDNw)


End file.
